ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist homes everywhere will soon be fitted with Sabbath sirens that announce Friday sunsets with a blaring alarm that promises to freeze Adventist rushing to finish Friday chores right in their tracks.
According to their product description, the sirens will sound at sunset Friday and Saturday providing “holy timekeeping for even the most scatterbrained of our members.”
“Just in case Adventists somehow miss the setting sun our sirens will make sure they get an earsplitting reminder of Sabbath truth,” said GC Director of Disruptive Technology, Ore Has.
He warned members not to tamper with the sirens saying they would only get louder if they did.
“We will not cover the costs of your hearing loss treatments,” said Has.
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I hope that a firmware upgrade will also implement distinct signals for the start of the Great Shaking and for the End of Probation.
Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Episcopalians don’t recognize the Pope as the head of the church.
Baptists don’t recognize each other at drinking venues.
Adventists don’t recognize each other in the grocery store 1 minute after Friday sunset.
Does this item come to be fitted for solar panels? Are there any zoning regs for this? Like noise decibels? Can I get one at my local WalMart? Thanks for the info.
It won’t foreseeably be offered at your local WalMart, but it should soon show up in the ABC Bookstores and Bookmobiles in the vacant space that is resulting from the “retirement” of the Dwight Nelson books.
Oops! I meant the vacant space that is resulting from the “retirement” of the George R Knight books.
Say, sevvy, could you manually edit the above mess and replace “Dwight Nelson” with “George R Knight” two posts back from here? And if you do so, then delete these last two correction posts of mine.
Thou shalt not address “sevvy” directly. He is too important to deal with petty petitions. In fact, “sevvy” might be a mere figment of your imagination. Has he ever been seen in the same room with Dan Jackson? Of course not. Because . . . .