Zales launches Adventist-approved watch rings

Timely bling
Timely bling

IRVING, Texas — Diamond jewelry chain Zales launched a ring today that has been approved by the Adventist Church for member use.

Zales named the gold watch ring The Adventist in celebration of the milestone.

The General Conference headquarters of the church approved the ring after Zales demonstrated that it contained a fully-functioning watch.

“We are creating an exception to our Zales shopping ban for this new product,” said GC Director of Rationalizations, Ree Diculo.

“This is not a ring but a perfectly modest timepiece that Adventists can freely use in weddings or on Sabbath morning.”

In an effort to enhance the marketability of the watch ring to Adventists, Zales has fitted it with a gong-like alarm that sounds at Friday and Saturday sunset.

The Adventist also reminds you to trim your toenails ahead of Communion Sabbaths.

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  1. What will they think of next? Necklaces with a watch? A gold chain with a watch? A lot of bling with a watch embedded? Maybe earrings with a watch? A fancy belt buckle with a watch? A gold band that goes around your wrist as a watch? Please help me make up my mind! I want to be a good cultural SDA. I want to be trendy.

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