WASHINGTON, D.C. — Without so much as a 24-hour warning, US President Donald Trump has deported the entire staff of the Silver Spring, Maryland-based Adventist Public Affairs and Religious Liberty (PARL) Department.
PARL personnel were sent on a one-way cargo flight from Washington Dulles International Airport to a really awful place called Sweden.
Trump advisors assured him the Scandinavian home to ABBA was the perfect place to which to banish the Adventist religious liberty advocates.
White House aides painted a dark picture of a failed state teeming with overly-safe Volvos, world class quality of life rankings, dangerous IKEA furniture designers and the insidious Swedish House Mafia.
“They’re having problems like they never thought possible,” said Trump of the inhabitants of the thickly forested and frequently serene nature sanctuary of a country.
When asked to elaborate on the specific problems Swedes were plagued with, Trump offered no details other than to “ask Fox.”
Reverting to his more familiar call to make America great again, Trump said that the recent outcry over his discrimination against Muslims proved that “religious liberty types like these Adventists are just terrible people that are getting in the way of us building walls to keep bad hombres and bad religions out of America.”
Trump defended his Adventist deportation saying that he was all for freedom of religion as long as it didn’t get in the way of stoking irrational fears and garnering YUGE wins in elections.