KEENE, Texas — “We trust that this will settle the question of which is the ‘most Adventist’ of Adventist universities,” said Bubba Bigger, a Southwestern Adventist University spokesperson, prefacing what many analysts claim is the biggest leap forward for Adventist education in decades: “Today we announce that Southwestern is boldly embracing its Adventist identity and it’s Tex-Mex heritage in creating a bachelor’s degree in Haystack Preparation. This is a fundamental area of expertise central to Adventist identity which has become dangerously imperiled by the lack of quality training for our youth in the preparation of this most Adventist of dishes.”
Bigger said that Texan Adventists have for long looked on in horror as non-Texans “consistently butcher the preparation of the simple taco salad we know as haystacks.” He said that Southwestern’s administrators had “reached a point where it was felt that our school and it’s excellent resources could not stand idly by as inferior haystack preparation practices creep into Adventism.”
He made clear that Southwestern sees the new Haystacks Preparation degree as “but the first step” in a long journey aimed at comprehensively safeguarding some of what’s best about being an Adventist.
“Depending on how this goes we may start offering postgraduate degrees in Haystack Preparation,” said Bigger. He stressed that “being Texan and being Adventist places an incredible burden of responsibility on the shoulders of the Southwestern family to make sure that California, other troubling states and the world at large do not drown in culinary perdition.”
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