SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — In a soon-to-be-published new edition, Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has listed an additional definition for the term “haystacks.”
In addition to it being the plural form of a word to describe a pile of hay, the editors of the volume added a definition which defines the word as “Adventist crack.”
The explanation for the new definition describes haystacks as “a highly addictive dish which routinely gathers Seventh-day Adventists of all ages to gorge on chips, salsa, cheese, assorted vegetables, sour cream, guacamole and so much more.”
Merriam-Webster’s went on to say that within the Adventist community, the dish was as habit forming as any back-alley drug.
The expanded definition that boasted near-encyclopedic detail explains that Adventists eat the dish with tremendous consistency at home, at church, at their schools and even while camping.
“Haystacks consumption is an all-pervasive custom that has filtered through to every part of Adventist living,” says the dictionary entry, “literally no aspect of Adventism has escaped its crunchy goodness.”
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Dude, this is far out, like “Adventist crack,” like groovy, way out Dude. You be crazy, man. Me too.
Sevvy is wrong. “Adventist crack” is Little Debbie’s oatmeal cream pies. Instant rush of feel-good, followed by a big letdown.
I thought “Adventist crack” consisted of listening to Del Delker and the King’s Heralds, along with a few Danny Shelton songs. That stuff can induce states of consciousness like no drug can.
Try some Ludovico Einaudi piano music. It’s out of this world.
Sevvy, you’re wrong again. The real “crunchy goodness” is Nutty Bars. They are just heavenly.
And very very healthful. Excellent examples of The Health Message!
I’ll second that.
Any questions, call Ann Coulter.
They even serve haystacks for communion at my church. Can’t wait till next quarter!
At my church we digest haystacks in a variety of ways such as: rice & beans, beans & rice, fried rice & beans, fried beans & rice, fried beans & fried rice, refried beans & refried rice, yellow rice & beans, brown rice & beans, baked beans & rice, boiled beans & rice, boiled rice & refried beans—the list is endless as you can see. Throw in some vega-meats and you got a sooper-dooper meal. Top it off with a mixed pile of Little Debbies. How can you go wrong? Don’t forget the Fritos. As I always say-Yummy yummy=good for your tummy. Come on down!! My Jesuit friend says the blessing.