LOMA LINDA, Calif. — In the first construction project of its kind anywhere in the world, Loma Linda University administrators have announced that the school and its immediate surroundings will be fitted with a durable plastic bubble.
“We will stop at nothing to make Loma Linda University the most bubbly of Adventist bubbles,” said Loma Linda Vice President for Insularity Inna Toobe.
Funding for the mammoth construction project will come both from the over-priced university and the General Conference Remnant Technologies Foundation.
Toobe said that anyone living in the bubble will be issued a tag to be worn prominently on overly-modest clothing.
The tag will simply say “Us.” Visitors to the bubble will be issued “Them” tags.
The bubble will cover the Loma Linda campus as well as a few essentials, such as Adventist grocery stores, carob manufacturers and funeral homes.
“Loma Linda has been chosen for bubble fitting since it is an excellent example of a community where you can go from the cradle to the grave talking only to Adventists,” said Toobe.