RIVERSIDE, Calif. — “Oh no they didn’t!” were the first words out of Adventist marketing analyst, Val U. Genysis after hearing the news that La Sierra University’s administration has decided to make marriage a requirement for graduation from the institution.
“Make no mistake,” said Genysis, “Today’s La Sierra announcement represents an aggressive takeover bid of the Adventist college marriage industry historically dominated by Southern Adventist University.”
Genysis stressed that the only Adventist school that “traditionally has given Southern a run for its money in the marriage department is Walla Walls so La Sierra is clearly aiming to disrupt the Adventist landscape by forcing its students to marry before graduation.”
La Sierra officials, for their part, are framing the move as a natural next step for the school: “We have romantic weather, we are close enough to the coast to easily host beach weddings and, quite frankly, we have the best looking kids so there is no reason we shouldn’t corner the Adventist marriage market,” said La Sierra spokesperson Hasta la Victoria.
She said that while La Sierra was the only Adventist school recognized by the prestigious Money magazine in a recent list of the top 50 US colleges and universities for adding value to students’ education, the school was “not satisfied by mere worldly praise.” Victoria said that in making marriage a graduation requirement, La Sierra is determined to show that “with us, education isn’t over until we hear wedding bells.”
- Where Single Adventists meet. Free 2 year membership. Divorced, widowed, and never married welcomed. We want Adventists to meet other Adventists.
I like the clever names for the marketing analyst, “Val U. Genysis” and the La Sierra spokesperson “Hasta la Victoria”! Maybe LSU should focus more on implementing the findings of the Value Genesis study rather than fighting “until victory” over Southern.
In the good old days, SAU was called “Southern Matrimonial College” and many of the pretty young coeds were reportedly more concerned about an “Mrs. degree” than a B.S. degree.
I don’t know about LSU’s alleged “plan” to require marriage prior to graduation, but LSU certainly has a leg up over SAU in terms of not making a big issue over rings. SAU is one of the few Adventist colleges that still enforce hefty monetary fines for the horrid “offense” of wearing any ring other than a wedding or engagement ring. Just sayin’.
[ignore if you were being sarcastic about the rings] Hi Elizabeth – I’m on SAU’s campus frequently and can assure you that there is no fine for wearing rings! Not sure how it was in the good ole’ days, but for
Being serious about SDA dating, a new website was recently launched right after the GC in San Antonio to address the need for a place where single SDA members can network and persue a sentimental relationship.
Try it at: https://www.emberspot.com/
God is good all the time
I say both La Sierra and Southern are flunkies. What good is it to graduate, and even to get married, if you can’t make perfect haystacks? What would life be without eating haystacks? So I vote for Southwestern. With their new haystacks degree, it is the best! http://test.barelyadventist.com/southwestern-adventist-university-cashes-in-on-tex-mex-heritage-offers-haystacks-degree/