KFC trades chicken for FriChik

Finger-lickin' good...
Finger-lickin’ good…

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Fast food chain Kentucky Fried Chicken made an historic announcement this morning saying that it was substituting meat analogue FriChik for chicken in all of its menu items.

KFC spokesperson Ataqueal Corazón said that the chain’s leadership had been on the hunt for the right vegetarian chicken substitute for years.

“It was not until we sampled FriChik that we found something veggie that was ‘finger-lickin’ good,'” said Corazón.

Corazón admitted that KFC executives had been worried that the switch from chicken to FriChik would be too big a step for its most loyal customers.

He said that focusing on similarities between FriChik and chicken sealed the deal.

“Luckily the highly processed nature of the beige FriChik meat analogue ensures that it is about as bad for you as our existing menu items,” said Corazón.

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    Adventist to vote on making all Adventist hospitals performing abortions to cease immediately or drop the name Adventist besides this being MURDER WE ARE GOING TO SUFFER GUILT BY ASSOCIATION

  2. Richard mills

    If those many secret spices are added to the Fri Chik you ain’t gonna tell the difference. KFC is on to something here. Just don’t tamper with my Little Debbie’s..

    1. Neal W.

      Strangely, he chose not to defend himself, except by calling Claudia Burrow “drunk” and “schitzo,” and calling Judy “insane.” He used the old fallacy of ‘ad hominem’ argumentation — the tactic of “shooting the messenger” rather than disproving the accusations.

    2. Ted W.

      Many other religious leaders have done the same thing he was accused of, and simply did not get caught. Regardless, I really appreciated his sermons and I still read his books.

  3. Disappointed

    F.A.K.E. N.E.W.S. This blog used to be labeled “satire and humor.” Now it it just tries to pass off the fiction as if it were real — in an attempt to get more page views and advertising revenue. Sad.

    1. Wilbur Wrong

      Sevvy likes to demonize the readers who post sincerely feedback complaining about the half-truths and untruths published here, which mislead the general public and make us look foolish or cultic in the eyes of other denominations. Ironically, those same readers are responsible for some of the “60,000” monthly visitors of which he boasts in order to attract advertisers. I guess he only wants readers who agree with his unscrupulous tactics.

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