Imposter prophet doesn’t last 30 seconds with EGW Bible

Nathaniel Wakely recovering post-test....
Nathaniel Wakely recovering post-test….

SILVER SPRING, Md. — The latest in a long string of wannabe prophets has been discredited by what church leaders are calling The Big Bible Test.  Nathaniel Wakely of Battle Creek, Mich. was subjected to the test today and, according to the presiding judge, “failed quickly and miserably.”

The Big Bible Test consists of requesting self-professed prophets to hold the 18 1/2 lb family Bible that Ellen Harmon (later White) held up with outstretched arm for 20 – 30 minutes while in vision as a 17-year-old.

Upon arrival at the testing offices in the basement of the General Conference building, Wakely lasted a mere 25 seconds or less, despite being given the customary three attempts at the feat over the course of an hour.  Officials say that no amount of protein bar consumption in between tries aided the candidate’s performance.

“We are not denying the possibility that God might raise up prophets in modern times, but Wakely clearly isn’t one of them,” said GC Prophet Testing Consultant, James Neeley.  “We are blessed to have such an efficient litmus test to sort the wheat from the chaff.”

When asked for its official response, the Ellen G. White Estate (which officially holds the Harmon family Bible) released a stock statement: “This is a ridiculous way of authenticating prophetic gift.  Please stop borrowing the Harmon Bible.”


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  1. Richard Mills

    How about using the latest Webster’s Unabridged dictionary. It’s got to be close to 18.5 lbs.!!
    Maybe a box full of SOP books weighing about the same as the EGW Bible. Stop using the Harmon Bible. If someone should ever drop the thing, it could be a disaster!!

  2. Chris Manners

    If that is the best test you have got give up now the bible says if a prophit gets one thing wrong he/ she is not of God note one thing that is the proof you look for all the rest are secondry not primary

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