SILVER SPRING, Md. — Members of the General Conference Executive Committee took time out of their busy schedules for a crown fitting this morning.
A considerable budget for the crowns was approved late last week at the Adventist Church’s Annual Council. A GC statement explained that far from being jewelry or signifying worldly adornment, the crowns were instead intended to stress “the royal authority of this august group of leaders.”
General Conference Ego Management Officer Paco Creido told a press conference that GC crown fitting is a painstaking exercise that requires exhaustive attention to match the height of each crown to the amount of power each leader has been able to amass over the years.
Crown diameter sizing takes even more time, said Creido. “Although we measure the heads of all members of the GC Executive Committee at the start of their tenures, we have had a lot of rework to do. More than a few heads have swelled considerably.”
Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.
Oh, if only it weren’t so true. This is the most enjoyable release I have seen here on BA for some months. Sevvy, you are a genius. Or, maybe just able to spot the obvious more quickly than the rest of us.
I am torn between being concerned how much of my tithe money is spent on the watches that will adorn the crowns, and wondering how far down the administrative chain it will spread.
Is there going to be a cape for each one, or only a crown? Will the twelve jewels of the New Jerusalem be figured into this attire?
Will the Union presidents be next with appropriate ‘Duke’ apparel? Will the Conference presidents get more ‘princely’ attire?
It’s probably good that I don’t know at this point, huh?
Shame on you!
Soooo.. how much trouble did you get into for this one?
Actually, the roots of this event go further back than Barely Adventist realizes. When Pope Wilson II became the leader, the Adventist Church, long the self-declared only legitimate nemesis of the Roman Catholic Church, realized that they had made history (a bloodline successor Pope) that even the Roman Catholic Church had never done (and would have difficulty doing, with celibacy and such). So, it was realized that some form of vestments was called for.
As for the careful sizing of the individual crowns to match ego (i.e., head diameter), the Church stressed that this will hopefully be a one-time extra expense. They’ve issued a request for proposal that would allow a vario-ego design whose diameter and height can be adjusted as needed. Additionally, such a design would allow for full re-useability of all crowns, in keeping with Reuse/Reduce/Recycle.
I looked the crown over carefully. Where is the. 666? The other day I found a crown at the local Burger King. Looks neat on my cranium. Woe iz me!
I thought God established all kingdoms?