FLORIDA — Expressing extreme frustration with the flatness of their home state, Floridian Adventists are leaving en masse for what they call “End Times reasons.”
They blame the lack of mountains to which to flee in the Time of Trouble for the exodus.
“We are hands-down, the flattest state in the nation,” said one of the relocation leaders, Sayo Nara.
She explained that it was “biblically irresponsible” to continue living in a state that was not conducive to rapid mountain escapes.
“This is a great state for tanning and oranges but good luck hiding from the bad guys on the beach,” said Nara.