FDA confirms that calories don’t count on Sabbath


WASHINGTON, D.C. — The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced this morning that after years of rigorous study, modern science can conclusively prove that calories consumed on Sabbath do not make you fat.

“Calories ingested during the 24 hour period between Friday and Saturday sunset simply do not register,” said lead researcher, Dame Mas. “At first we could not believe it ourselves.”

Mas said that the FDA initiated its research seven years ago after multiple claims from Seventh-day Adventists that they could eat whatever they wanted during the period in question without gaining so much as an ounce.

After several rounds of testing with what Mas calls a “disproportionately high percentage of extremely obliging, mostly Seventh-day Adventist volunteers,” she said the FDA had indisputable data to back up the Adventist claims.

The General Conference headquarters of the Adventist Church has yet to issue any remarks responding to the FDA announcement. However, sources confirm that an impromptu, Friday night agape feast is in the works.

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  1. richard mills

    What would happen if some of those FDA people sat down and ate at a SDA Sabbath pot luck meal on Sabbath? Bet they would change their data. Me, I consume those fat free, cage free, range free, gmo free, sugar free, caffeine free Little Debbies. Not to worry about calories there!! Woe iz me!!


    Halakha (Jewish law), especially the Talmud tractate Shabbat, identifies thirty-nine categories of activity prohibited on Shabbat (Hebrew: ל״ט אבות מלאכות, lamed tet avot melakhot‎‎), and clarifies many questions surrounding the application of the biblical prohibitions. Many of these activities are also prohibited on the Jewish holidays listed in the Torah, although there are significant exceptions permitting carrying and preparing food under specific circumstances.

    There are often disagreements between Orthodox Jews and Conservative Jews or other non-Orthodox Jews as to the practical observance of the Sabbath. It is of note that the (strict) observance of the Sabbath is often seen as a benchmark for orthodoxy and indeed has legal bearing on the way a Jew is seen by an orthodox religious court regarding their affiliation to Judaism.


    Though melakha is usually translated as “work” in English, the term does not correspond to the English definition of the term, as explained below.

    The Rabbis in ancient times had to explain exactly what the term meant, and what activity was prohibited to be done on the Sabbath. The Rabbis noted Genesis 2:1-3:

    Heaven and earth, and all their components, were completed. With the seventh day, God finished all the work (melakha) that He had done. He ceased on the seventh day from all the work (melakha) that he had been doing. God blessed the seventh day, and he declared it to be holy, for it was on this day that God ceased from all the work (melakha) that he had been creating to function.

    Specifically, the Rabbis noted the symmetry between Genesis 2:1–3 and Exodus 31:1–11—the same term melakha (“work”) is used in both places, and that in Genesis 2:1–3 what God was “ceasing from” was “creation” or “creating”.

    The Rabbis noted further that the first part of Exodus 31:1-11 provides detailed instructions for the construction of the Tabernacle, and that it is immediately followed by a reminder to Moses about the importance of the Shabbat, quoted above. The Rabbis note that in the provisions relating to the Tabernacle the word melakha is also used. The word is usually translated as “workmanship”, which has a strong element of “creation” or “creativity”.

    From these common words (in the Hebrew original) and the juxtaposition of subject matter the rabbis of the Mishnah derive a meaning as to which activities are prohibited to be done on the Sabbath day.

    Genesis 2 is not pushed aside by the commandments to construct the Tabernacle. The classical rabbinical definition of what constitutes “work” or “activity” that must not be done, on pain of death (when there was a Sanhedrin), is depicted by the thirty-nine categories of activity needed for the construction and use of the Tabernacle.




    Hebrew: זורע

    Definition: Promotion of plant growth.

    Not only planting is included in this category; other activities that promote plant growth are also prohibited. This includes watering, fertilizing, planting seeds, or planting grown plants.

    See further: Mishneh Torah Shabbos 8:2, 21:5; Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim 336; Chayei Adam Shabbos 11



    Hebrew: אופה/בישול

    Definition for solids: Changing the properties of something via heat. Liquids: Bringing a liquid’s temperature to the heat threshold. ‘Heat’ for these purposes is at the threshold known as “Yad Soledet” (lit. Hand [by reflex] draws back [due to such heat]) which according to the Igrot Moshe (Rabbi Moshe Finestein) is 110 °F (43 °C).

    Baking, cooking, frying, or any method of applying heat to food to prepare for eating is included in this prohibition. This is different from “preparing”. For example, one can make a salad because the form of the vegetables doesn’t change, only the size. However one cannot cook the vegetables to soften them for eating. Baking itself was not performed in the mishkan as bread was not required for the structure.

    See further: Mishneh Torah Shabbos 22:1–10; Shulkhan Arukh Orach Chayim 318; Chayei Adam Shabbos 22



    Hebrew: כותב

    Definition: Writing/forming a meaningful character or design.

    Rabbinically, even writing with one’s weaker hand is forbidden. The Rabbis also forbade any commercial activities, which often lead to writing.

    See further: Mishneh Torah Shabbos 11:9–17, 23:12–19; Shulkhan Arukh Orach Chayim 340; Chayei Adam Shabbos 36

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