LOMA LINDA, Calif. — A life-long Adventist vegan was rushed to Loma Linda Medical Center after what emergency personnel termed a “carrot overdose.”
While lapsing in and out of consciousness, local over-achieiving vegan Wee Mahr admitted that his addiction to fresh carrots had “gotten a little out of hand” earlier today.
Mahr first noticed that something was wrong early this morning after his right foot took on a “distinctly carrotty look.”
Due to his intemperance, Mahr has been strongly advised to join Adventists Anonymous, a support group for Adventists struggling with denomination-specific addictions.
Common disorders include addiction to Little Debbie Creme Pies, salty veggie meats and most commonly, Postum.
Single, separated, divorced and widowed Adventists who want to change that status wanted.
I have know quite a few vegetarian and vegan Seventh Day Adventists who died at rather young ages anyway. And I’ve know carnivorous coffee and alcohol drinkers who weren’t Adventists who were alive and going strong into their nineties.
Used to live across the street from a rancher, her husband had died, a woman who was riding after cattle (and eating them) into her nineties. Among my parents and grandparents, the one who lived longest, my dad’s mom, died at 99. was a nominal Lutheran who drank alcohol and ate animals. My dad, who was an Adventist who did not drink alcohol or eat animals, died at 76.
The Loma Linda centenarians are coming after you
Yo, Brother Wee Mahr- You have the wrong photo. It is supposed to be a hand, a closed fist, not a foot. This was formed by the constant grabbing of veggie burgers, tofu specialties, soy milk drinks, etc. and of course the many Little Debbies. All you got to do is see my left hand. It is all deformed and mangled from years of vegetarianism. Too late to change now. I’ll just keep on keepin’ on. See you all at the Golden Corral this week. The green string beans with little red things in them are great. Woe iz me!!