PASADENA, Calif. — A burst of vandalism and petty theft has been traced back to an unlikely source: last Sabbath’s sermon at South Pasadena Seventh-day Adventist Church.
Pastor Emili Lönneberga preached a rousing sermon about his conversion from a life of exciting vandalism and shoplifting, enthralling his congregation with tales of near scrapes and adrenaline-fueled spray can action.
Church members testified to local police how they were at the edge of their seats as Lönneberga spoke passionately for over an hour of his enthralling, criminal past.
Although Lönneberga is said to have made a few last-minute remarks about how happy he was to have changed his ways, the glint of nostalgia in his eyes as he waxed lyrical about his roguish adventures was unmistakable.
Police investigators attribute the dramatic uptick in local petty crime to Lönneberga ending his remarks with a charismatic call for his flock to “be the sermon this coming week.”