Adventist colleges apologize for being located so far from anything cool



ADVENTIST WORLD — Adventist colleges around the world have issued an apology to students and alumni for being located “so far from anything remotely cool.”

The apology comes after a survey of revealed that the average Adventist institution was lucky to be located in a town with more than one traffic light.

“With few exceptions, the most exciting thing to do close to an Adventist college is watching grass grow,” said the statement.

Although the schools defended the decisions of founders to find locations far from corrupting urban influences, administrators admitted that most of the founder had gone “far too far.”

“You know there’s a problem when the drive to most Adventist schools involves some combination of tumble weed, slowing for herds of deer and an emergency pit stop for snow chains,” concluded the statement.

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  1. Hey Sevvy-You don’t get around much do you? LL is located on busy I-10. WAU is on a busy intersection in Takoma Park, not far from the Metro & Silver Springs & Gifford’s ice cream. Southern is a stone’s throw from Chattanooga. The school in Oshawa is a short distance from the commuter train for a quick ride into Toronto. SDA students are very creative when they want to escape. I know from my years of experience. Sevvy, you gotta get a life. Too much satire does a person insane.

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