40 Days of FriChik fad sweeps Adventism

image

No strangers to the 40 Days of Prayer phenomenon, Adventist small groups across the United States are taking on a bold, entirely new challenge: 40 Days of FriChik.

“Few rituals bond us together more closely as Adventist brothers and sisters than popping open a can of FriChik,” said North American Division Personal Ministries Director Aima Chow who has personally led the 40 Days of FriChik movement from its infancy to full scale vegetarian gluttony in a matter of weeks.

“There’s something about a can of ultra-processed fake chicken that touches both our taste buds and our hearts,” said Chow.  “Once that sodium hits your lips you can’t help but love the fact that you are Adventist.”

While Chow openly admits that “even occasional snacking on FriChik is a helpful practice,” she insists that, as with the 40 Days of Prayer series, “spending 40 consecutive days eating FriChik with fellow believers will grow our mutual understanding of important truths that are hidden from the eyes of the casual Adventist veggie food consumer.”

Chow recommends that Adventist small groups sing ‘Side by Side We Stand’ as they devour what she calls “the most worthy Worthington product,” insisting that, since the beige, juicy bits of goodness are vegetarian, she “can think of no reason we won’t be eating FriChik in heaven.”

SPONSORED LINKS




 

(Visited 2,230 times, 1 visits today)

8 Comments

  1. Ray Kraft

    As far as I can tell, God created real chicken, but God didn’t create Fri-Chick, or any other kind of fake food. And nowhere in the Bible do I read, “Thou shalt not eat real chicken!”

    1. Rob Frost

      Neither does the Bible say “Thou shalt not eat stones.” Nor does it say “Thou shalt not eat vomit.” In fact, it repeatedly seems to recognize such dietary practices. (Gen. 31:46 [“they took stones and made a heap, and they ate”]; Matt. 4:3 [“let these stones be your bread”]; Proverbs 26:11 [he “goes back to his vomit”]; 2 Peter 2:22 [he “returns to his own vomit”]). I prefer to stick with FriChik. Come on, Ray, sing along: “I’m gonna stick with FriChik ’cause FriChik sticks with me!”

  2. I like the director’s name, “Aima Chow.” Yup, “I’m a chowing” down on that good ol’ Fri-Chick, too. It’s great how Ms. Chow guided the movement “from its infancy to full scale vegetarian gluttony in a matter of weeks.” Now, as a side dish, bring me a few cases of those wonderful Little Debbie’s “health cakes”–full of sugar, brimming with fat, packed with sodium, and loaded with calories. Gotta spread the health message!

    For the unwary, please note the disclaimer on this site’s “About” page: “BarelyAdventist is a satire and humor blog on Adventist culture and issues.”

    “Please note that this story, like others on this site, is a joke. All characters and incidents appearing in this ‘report’ are fictitious or parodied. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead (or events, past or future) is purely coincidental and/or is solely for purposes of parody, satire, irony, caricature, or comedy. If you do not find these stories funny, please see your doctor to check your sense of humor (or maybe he should check your pulse). After all, laughter is the best medicine.”

  3. Scott McBain

    Have you heard about the Fri-Chik Festival in Colorado where the participants were too spaced-out to understand or render aid when shots were fired and people got hurt in the crowd? They were all like, “Groovy, man,” “Wow, dude,” “Far out, bro,” “Radical fireworks, dude!” Even the gunmen were like, “Cool man, so that’s what this trigger thingy is for? Far out, dude. Peace out, bro!” Oh . . . sorry; that was the Pot Parade, not the Fri-Chik Festival. Well, whatever. . . .

  4. Pingback: Irenicast Roundtable - The Art of Oversharing - 135

Leave a Reply to Rob Frost Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *